No Right Way To Grive

You reach for the bottle, you're wrong.
You cry a year later, you're wrong.
You continue to live as life was before, you're wrong.
You find a healthy outlet to remain sane, you're wrong.

Why is there so much judgement about the right way to grieve? Isn't a bereaved parent going through enough? Why is it good to appear "strong"? Why can't I be weak? Why can't I just hideaway on the bad days? And if I'm having a better day, and I laugh--don't think that somehow I am "over" this. I carry the pain with me every single moment, of every single day. Somedays it is just more obvious than others.

You're judged if you have more kids. You're judged if you don't.
You're judged if you keep the baby's room the same. You're judged if you donate everything.

Instead of judging, hold out your hand. Offer to be of some support. You don't need to say anything. You just need to listen. Be there with me. Say my child's name. It's interesting that people can't even bear to think of losing someone close to them, yet they are so quick to expect you to move on.

You don't need to pity me. Although I have experienced the greatest loss, I have also experienced the greatest love. So instead of caring what anyone else thinks, I will make these promises to Arianna.

My promise is to never ever stop saying your name.
To always remember the amazing times.
To always remember the struggles.
My promise is to talk about you without worrying if I'm making someone uncomfortable.
To cry when I miss you, and to laugh when I think of your giggle.
My promise is to be there for your dad, and to take time for me.
I won't let this world forget that you existed.
I will make you proud. I will honor you.
I will always love you. 

***This is not all from personal experience. Thankfully, my husband and I have a great support system. This is from some personal experience, but also from hearing from other parents who have lost their child***

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