If You Could See Me Fly

I wish I could see my baby girl flying.
Or be able to call Heaven just to make sure she's ok.

I remember holding Arianna in the days before she passed, knowing that the moment she passed I would do anything to be able to hold her again. Knowing that I would miss brushing her hair. Or touching her face.

At that time I already missed her smile. I missed how she'd wrap her little arms around us. Or how she would grasp on to our fingers.

I miss watching her scoot her way out of her Boppy. I miss walking into her room to find what crazy position she woke up in. I miss waking up her talking.

I miss the therapy and nurse appointments. I miss the long backroad rides up to Children's. I miss the people who became like family to us because we saw them so often.

I miss getting mad at her feeding pump because it wasn't working quite right (just for me to discover it was a user error; Mary B. you can confirm this haha). I miss seeing how excited she would get when she would see her feeding pump. I miss the incredibly loud and annoying noise the apnea monitor would make we would turn it on or when it would go off in the middle of the night (they were always false alarms!).

I miss being a mom. I miss being Arianna's mom. I miss seeing Gonz be such an amazing and loving father.

I miss watching her struggle with rolling over just to see her excitement when she finally got it. I miss watching her blow raspberries for 20 minutes straight. I miss her voice. I miss her smile. I miss those chunky little legs.  I miss the fear of the unknown, but the hope that everything was going to be okay.

I miss the joy she brought to our lives. I miss giving her a bath and every time her finding a new trick. I miss her crying after bath time only to smile once I started to brush her hair.

We miss her beautiful blue eyes. We miss the way she would get mad if we didn't feed her veggies fast enough, and how she would spit out any of the fruits we gave her.

We miss that even on her "bad" days, she was such a happy baby.

We miss giggling because she would cross her feet and just look too darn cute.

We miss the simple presence of her being. 

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 11, 2016 at 1:16 PM

    You will ALWAYS be a mom. Your baby is in Heaven, in the arms of our Blessed Mother Mary, but you, my dear Heather, will ALWAYS be a mom. And not just any mom: An amazing, loving, brave, hero alongside your equally amazing husband.

    ReplyDelete

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