When I Look to the Sky

After losing a child, you begin to look for them everywhere. You stop to listen to the birds chirp, you notice the butterfly that lands right by you, you look for clouds that are shaped like angels or hearts.

 The sky has been where I find myself looking the most. I love to see the beautiful sunrises and sunsets and hope that somehow Arianna was involved. Like the sky is her canvas and she's just up there painting away. There's something more magical about the sun shining through the clouds now than ever before.

 I cling to these things because more than anything I want to know that she is still with me. That she's watching over us and is smiling. That she truly is in a better place (although I still think that the best place for a child is in their mother's arms...). That she is no longer in pain. That she can move, and walk, and talk, and is singing in the angel's choir (apparently Arianna is extremely talented!).

 You just want to know that your child is ok. That you will see them again. That waking up every single day realizing reality all over is for a reason. That one day this pain will cease.

 I love hearing people's opinions on what they think life is like for babies in Heaven. I've been told that babies remain babies so that when their parents pass they will be able to raise them. I've been told that there are special angels to care for the children. My thought changes often. Just as long as my baby girl knows how much we love her and miss her dearly.

 One day baby girl, I will hold you in my arms again. Until then, I'll keep looking for you in the sky.

 "When I look to the sky, something tells me you're here with me. And I could always find my way when you were here"--Train


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