Life After Loss

I wish I could see my baby girl flying. Or be able to call Heaven just to make sure she's ok. I remember holding Arianna in the days before she passed, knowing that the moment she passed I would do anything  to be able to hold her again. Knowing that I would miss brushing her hair. Or touching her face. At that time I already missed her smile. I missed how she'd wrap her little arms around us. Or how she would grasp on to our fingers. I miss watching her scoot her way out of her Boppy. I miss walking into her room to find what crazy position she woke up in. I miss waking up her talking. I miss the therapy and nurse appointments. I miss the long backroad rides up to Children's. I miss the people who became like family to us because we saw them so often. I miss getting mad at her feeding pump because it wasn't working quite right (just for me to discover it was a user error; Mary B. you can confirm this haha). I miss seeing how excited she would get when she wo...

"How are you doing?" That's the first question out of anyone's mouth. Not just in situations like this, but anytime two individuals see one another. The interesting thing is that the majority of the time, we're not being genuine when you ask that question. Think of how many times a day you get asked how you're doing. By the grocery store clerk, the teller at the bank, the receptionist at the doctor's office when you call to make an appointment. It would be interesting to see what would happen if everyone started being honest when asked that question. It's not that I get mad or upset when someone asks me how I am. It's just that I don't even know how to respond anymore. I'm lying if I say I'm good. I'm lying if I say I'm doing ok. But I can't even begin to explain how I am doing. It's hard to explain, but I feel as though I'm falling down the rabbit's hole in Alice in Wonderland. Or like I'm on auto pilo...