Life After Loss

"Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross When the denial starts wearing off, the grief starts coming in bigger waves again. There is a constant battle of wanting to live a life for your child, and wanting to lock yourself away because you can't bear to face life that day. As grieving parents, we are told time and time again that our children would want us to live our lives. They'd want us to enjoy life and to do whatever makes us happy. But how can we possibly be happy when our child is not enjoying our life with us? At least not in the physical sense. I wake up. I see the beautiful sunrise. And I tell myself-you got this. You will get up. You will enjoy the day the best you can. I make an effort to smile more. I sing along in the car. I go out of my way to make someone else's day. I appreciate the little things. I can do wh...

Arianna Marie, How can it already be a year that you took your final breathe in our arms? I can feel the weight of you in my arms. I can feel your smooth skin on my fingers. I can see the family on the balcony. I remember coming home after planning the services. I remember the empty space between your dad and I. Our bed had become your bed. Everyone says no co-sleeping until your child is on hospice, because there's no longer a safety risk. Every night for the last couple weeks you slept in between us. We'd each keep a hand on you throughout the night. Some days your breaths were so shallow it was hard to tell if you were still here. The house felt so empty. Since bringing you home, there was always people over--Grandma Deb, Uncle Tim & Aunt Marianne, Uncle Alvin Sam, Uncle Je ff & Aunt Lisa, Auntie Sher Sher, Grandpa Rupert and Uncle Ham. And now there was just silence. Our home was empty without you. It is still empty. I still walk into your room hoping you...