The Struggle
Everyday there is a choice to be made. Am I going to get up and get done what I need to do or is today going to be the day that I let myself feel the loss? It sounds crazy, I know. I feel the loss every single day of my life. But the vast majority of days I am running from it. I'm so afraid that if I let myself go there again, there's no coming back. That I'm jumping into the ocean off a huge cliff with no life vest. But I do have a life vest. My husband and my family. But somehow it feels like it's not enough. That if I jump, even with their support, I will just bring us all down. I'm told to embrace the grief. That if I run from it and don't face it that it will only make things worse. But it still seems too unreal. How in the world is our perfect girl gone? How do all those months of doing the absolute best parenting we could not mean anything anymore? How was she here one day and not the next? How did we live in a hospital for 3 weeks? How did we watch ...